The marginalization doesn't stop after adulthood. I'm overweight and my mother's very quick to talk about my "fat ass," but very recently, instead of a "Good job! False narratives. The narcissist's "it's you, not me" story is absolutely going to be shared with anyone the narcissist wants sympathetic attention from.
Even more-favored siblings will internalize it and believe it. What this translates to is that you'll find other people perpetuating the narcissist's abuse on you. Example: My brother wanted me to move into his house with our mother. When I refused and said I was moving out-of-state, his response was, "Why? Why bother? You're just a miserable person. You're miserable here, and you'll be miserable there. You might as well stay and take care of Mom!
This is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of depth and breadth. It's not just a case of one or two "bad moments" that a normal person might have in their lifetime.
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With a narcissist, it's a constant So I'd say, if your parents are still around and in your life, take note of future interactions with them. My mother just seemed seriously unhappy. It's like everything you do hurts her so much that she has to hurt you back twice as hard, but she never can evaluate if she actually managed to get there that she can't stop pushing it. I'm convinced that she doesn't know what she's doing.
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It's not just a question of empathy towards others, it's also as if she had no self awareness. She doesn't want to look bad in public, but she is not attention seeking.
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I think she is always hurt by others because she doesn't see that people are separate from her If someone is attentive to a task, she won't see their point of vue: they are doing something that requires attention. She'll see that she wants to talk to them and they are ignoring her. If someone goes for a walk when she wants to clean the dishes, she won't see that the person might have indigestion and want a break before getting things done, because in her head finishing the dishes after a meal before doing something else is unthinkable. It breaks her routine and instead of thinking that others may have different routines, she'lll say that they left her with all the work.
She visited me in my housenonce amd I said let's leave the dishes and go visit, I'll do it when you're gone.
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She couldn't. She did the dishes and told me the whole time that I was maling her do it and I repeated the whole time, leave it let's go She couldn't see how rigid it was that she couldn't leave me to do the dishes when I wanted after she was gone iny own home where it would not disturb her later. Some of it is just extreme habit Yet, she break some rules I had asthmay entire childhood but she wouldn't bring me to a Dr because she was afraid he would ask her to stop smoking. I can wholeheartedly connect with your examples. My mom, a nurse, would put us kids in a steam filled bathroom to relieve the asthma while actively smoking.
Our last visit was a repeat of your dishes scenario. Everthing revolves around cleaning, cooking or tv. I have been no contact for 1. There is no closure because the abuse is mostly just being invisible. Have you found a way to get closure on your chronically un-selfaware parent? No child deserves to grow up that way. After reading this I began thinking about my aunt.
I never thought Of her as being a narcissist possibly only as a undiagnosed bipolar.
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My mother and father also fit into these descriptions, is possible to have multiple family members? How do you handle it? I recently passed my boards for Nursing and one would think I should be proud of myself. I said after I passed Nursing school with honors that I just had to take my boards to feel accomplished, after I passed my boards, I now say once I receive my license number. When will I be proud of me? I just wanted to say I found your descriptions to be interesting and something to talk about with my therapist.
I appreciate that you took the time to comment - and, for what it's worth - congratulations on passing your Nursing boards. Since you mentioned a therapist - yes!
imadefdermens.ml Talking about shared experiences here can be helpful in its own way, but it doesn't replace the nuanced insight you'll get from a trained clinician - someone who meets with you face-to-face. I can confidently answer one of your questions, though: Yes, it's possible to have multiple narcissists in one family. I don't think it's that uncommon, actually.
So both parents or any siblings could be narcissists.
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Maybe one parent is "just" passive, codependent, or another less sinister condition, but their behavior warps under the influence of the narcissist. They might become what's known as a "flying monkey" - a narcissistic lieutenant of sorts. Appreciate the list you've put in your comment above. I got a lot from it. Cheers PG. Every word in your comment I have experienced in my family.
Even down to the sexual abuse from an older brother. After finally telling my mother of the abuse in my 20's she did and said nothing to my brother. He continued to be her favorite child, his birthday is the day after hers. And the rage is real, I confronted my brother in my 40's over the sexual abuse and how he never acknowledged it he went to my mother and father and told them what he did and to this day they feel that I should've just kept this abuse to myself for the sake of the family and how they would look to others knowing what happened to me as a child.
My mother now hates me and my children 2 girls , because now family members are aware of the abuse and her role in ignoring it. My father for whatever reason is going along with whatever my mother tells him despite the fact that he knows this woman has lied all their married life. As for my brother well, he's pleased with the fact that my parents still love and support him knowing what he did to me.
Frankly I believe my mother was hoping that this family secret wouldn't come about until after she died. Needless to say, I'm glad she's still around to witness the fall of this false pristine family image she spent so decades working towards. I no longer speak to them anymore Which is something my family tried desperately to erase from me since the age of 4. Hi, Melanie - I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner. And I'm sorry for everything you've lost because of your "family. I really is unbelievable, until you witness it firsthand.
I'm glad my story could give you some support in fighting against the crazy of your family. My brothers are 6. A few months after the molestation, I heard my middle bro talking with his friend about sex, and I asked him about it. After he explained sex to me, I said our oldest brother had done that to me.
Well, later that day He grabbed me and started beating on me, eventually hitting me so hard I went to the ground. He stood over me and yelled, "If you ever say anything like that again, I'll kill you! Although I focused on my mom in my first post, believe me when I say that I had good reasons i. My whole family was sick, so I kept silent - until I was That's when I confided in a friend I'd known for 26 years - since high school. That's how broken my sense of trust is. More recently, I was outraged by my mother's dismissal of Weinstein's victims, so I dropped The Molestation Truthbomb on her ass.
She teared up for a minute, then started talking about something inconsequential. Only a month ago, I reminded her of the molestation, and she acted shocked, saying, "You never told me that! I think she just can't bring herself to care about me enough to hear me or care about my pain - especially when it makes her or her sons look bad. Which brings me to the middle brother. He was certainly old enough to remember what happened, but he's never once asked me about it. Which is utter bullshit, because he knows I'm actually one of those off-putting-with-her-honesty types. But like I said, people will twist their brains any way that helps them sleep at night - especially when narcissistic dynamics are at play.
So Melanie, even though we don't know each other, I hope you understand that I see you, I believe you, and I'm with you in spirit. Narcissism is a family disease, and it's generational.
So no matter how much it might hurt, it's best for you and your girls that you've gone your own way. I'm proud of your bravery. You are a beautiful writer. I hope you write for a living.
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